(First written October 2018)

A couple of weeks ago, I changed my Facebook profile picture. I think it’s a lovely picture of me and I don’t always think that about photos of me as I’m often captured mid blink which doesn’t show me at my fullest potential!

Anyway, this new profile picture is different from the previous one; partly because it’s not just a head shot and partly because there’s some cleavage showing! And whilst I can’t in any way compete with some buxom lovelies, I do quite like them.

A strange thing has happened since I changed the picture. I’ve had more friend requests from men than I have ever had in my life (both in this real world of social media and that fake real life on the outside!) I’ve never been the popular one, either with the girls or the boys. I was always the last to be picked in P.E to be on the team. Knocked-knees Wendy I used to be called. I was always the girl that was invited to the double date to go out with ‘the friend’….anyway, I digress.

Imagine my glee and delight to suddenly receive these new found potential friends. At last, people want to be with me…what could it possible be that’s suddenly made me more popular with the men? I know, it must be that they want to have deep and meaningful discussion with me. How fantastic! Mmmm, I wonder….is it possible it’s the boobage?

Now….the amused part of me thinks, seriously, you wanna see these babies? I’m not sure you do…they go down to my knees when I haven’t got the contraption on that’s keeping them as north as possible. They’ve got a map of stretch marks the intricacy of the Norwegian fjords, and frankly my nipples look like 100 year old shrivelled up coffee beans! But, if you insist, I’ll send you a photo, I’d actually love to see your face when you see them in their natural environment!

The peeved part of me thinks, oh ffs, GET A GRIP! I’m a grown woman, absolutely sick of the persistent misogynistic shite that still goes on in the world. Do you really think that a photo of you in your nice, smart uniform/suit, standing by some monument that makes you look like a REAL man is going to entice me to be your friend? Well, it’s not! Most of the time I can’t be arsed being my husband’s friend so I’m certainly not gonna be yours…matey! I do, however, feel scared for younger, more vulnerable women (and men) who might and do get lured by these sycophants. This must stop.

Finally, the mischievous part of me wants to experiment with different profile pictures and see what impact that has on my ‘friendability’! After all these years of being desperate for friends, who knew all I had to do was get me baps out!

Of course, I could be imagining the whole thing, maybe my cleavage isn’t as gorgeous as I think it is when I look at the picture! Maybe, after all, they do just want to have meaningful discussion. Or maybe….ooh, ooh, I know, it must be my money; after all, I was in the first class carriage of a steam train when the photo was taken!

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